What makes some events stressful and
others not? How can I know it is stress that I am experiencing,
not anxiety or depression? What happens to the stress if I
"tough it out?"
When something threatens us, we react
in ways to protect ourselves. Like our hunter and gatherer
ancestors, we instinctively ready ourselves for "fight
or flight." The stress reaction is an immediate response
to a threatening circumstance. In the moment of crisis, we
make internal adjustments in our body to prepare us to act
in our self-interest. These adjustments include the arousal
of our physical, thinking (cognitive), and emotional capacities,
resulting in a pre-empting of normal functioning. Physical
arousal includes increased activity, heart rate, and blood
pressure; faster breathing rate; perspiration; and heightened
muscle tension. Cognitive arousal includes restricting
focus to the immediate crisis as well as disorganized thinking.
Emotional arousal may involve overwhelming or blocked
feeling.
The thinking and feeling basis for
stress
The way we view stressful circumstances
determines whether or not we experience the emotional and
physical arousal associated with stressful events. Hans Selye,
the originator of the stress concept, told a story illustrating
the notion that it is not so much what we face, but ~ we face
it that matters. The story is about an alcoholic's two sons.
One is a teetotaler and the other an alcoholic. When asked
to explain their drinking habits, both replied, "With
a father like that, what can you expect?"
There are ways to turn a stressful experience
into a valued learning experience, but all too often people
adopt a "victim" mentality. This means thinking
the stress chooses us, making it our fault that we are stressed.
In actuality, the stress reaction occurs when we do not know
how to handle a dilemma or challenge. Not knowing how to respond
to the stressful event is not acceptable to us, so we see
it as a threat to our integrity. When we personalize threat
in this way, we experience discomfort from the resulting physical,
cognitive, and emotional arousal. This "victim"
mentality is so automatic; we miss the chance to see the dilemma
or challenge as an opportunity to learn something. Consequently,
we dodge the threat by acting impulsively or by "stuffing
it." Either way, we maintain the pain of low self-esteem
and the disabling consequences of stress.
By personalizing stress, we contribute
to a sense of shame and an image of ourselves as unworthy.
This is a self-fulfilling prophecy that has us unintentionally
looking for and creating continuing confirmation of our unworthiness.
Each time we face stress; our victim mentality reminds us
that it must be our fault, since we are so unworthy. Arousal
occurs in this closed system of thought. This blocks or distorts
feedback about what is really happening in the world in favor
of our expectation of unworthiness. In other words, all we
see in the situation is how unworthy we believe ourselves
to be.
Secondary stress symptoms (Resistance
stage)
Many of us ignore the primary arousal
accompanying an initial reaction to stress. When challenging
events occur, we react by "toughing it out" and
not revealing our confusion and uncertainty. We associate
"toughing it out" with strength, since we think
the admission of vulnerability of any kind equates with cowardice,
weakness, or frailty. Ignoring primary stress symptoms actually
leaves us vulnerable to secondary stress symptoms in four
areas of our lives: breathing, eating/elimination, sexuality,
and sleeping.
Breathing
-- Difficulty breathing, shallow breathing, and hyperventilating
may be symptoms of stress or illness. There are three types
of breathing: diaphragmatic (stomach), thoracic (chest), and
clavicle (shoulder). Note whether the stomach, chest, or shoulders
rise with breath intake. Thoracic and clavicle breathing increase
tension while diaphragmatic breathing reduces it.
Eating/Elimination -- Overeating, binging, loss
of interest in food, as well as problems in digestion and
elimination may be symptoms of stress, depression, illness,
or habitual behavior. Significant weight loss or gain in a
short period of time may be a symptom of depression. Consuming
sufficient, nutritious food to satisfy, but not overindulge,
is a balance affected by each person's activity level, stress,
lifestyle, and self-esteem.
Sexuality -- Sudden increases or decreases in sexual
interest or activity, promiscuity, and sexual dysfunction
may be symptoms of stress or depression. Overemphasis on sexuality
in one's lifestyle suggests it may have become a "habit."
Sleeping -- Difficulty sleeping may be the result
of stress, substance abuse, depression, or illness. Environmental
irritants (e.g., noise, odors, light), smoking, eating, alcohol,
caffeine, stress, worry, and lack of exercise cause problems
with falling asleep, waking repeatedly, and/or failing to
go back to sleep. Sufficient sleep (for most people seven
to eight hours daily) meets our body's need to rest and repair
itself
Tertiary stress symptoms (Decline)
Ignoring resistance symptoms eventually
takes us to a third level of stress: facing physical or mental
illness. This level of stress is so widespread that 75% to
90% of all visits to physicians are said to be stress-related.
There is also increasing evidence that denying emotional distress
by suppressing feelings and impulses leads to health problems,
particularly heart disease, cancer, and asthma. Honest verbal
expression of emotional distress, taking assertive action,
and accepting our feelings and impulses as natural, reduce
our stress and help us to achieve better physical health.
Breathing
-- Difficulty breathing, shallow breathing, and hyperventilating
may be symptoms of stress or illness. There are three types
of breathing: diaphragmatic (stomach), thoracic (chest), and
clavicle (shoulder). Note whether the stomach, chest, or shoulders
rise with breath intake. Thoracic and clavicle breathing increase
tension while diaphragmatic breathing reduces it.